Noise

It's been 6 days since I wore my hearing aid. My audi said I should go for extended times without it -- like a week or two at a time to strengthen my cochlear implanted ear. It's my summer of CI boot camp.

It's making me very grumpy. 

I can hear too many things I really don't want to hear. There's an incessant bird outside my house that chirps from sunrise to whenever I take my CI off for the night. My dog barks at the wind. My husband insists on talking to me from behind while the TV is on. People call instead of texting me. I am inundated with noise. My world is a cringe-worthy, overpowering cacophony of noise. It's driving me crazy.

But I can't hear the things I want to hear. Correction - I don't understand the things I want to hear. I've found myself apologizing to people again. "I'm sorry. What did you say?"

I'm grumpy. And I have a headache. So I yelled at the dog for getting in my way while I was watering my garden. I ignored the clerk in the store when I think she asked if I needed help. I snapped at my husband when he asked me what I was going to do for dinner. I turned off the blaring TV. And I put my CI in its case.

Virtual silence. (My good ear is very bad.) No one said this road would be easy. But I wish it were a little smoother.

This world is too noisy. I want to hear. But I don't like the noise.