These were the words I posted on a friend's Facebook status today. She had faced an important decision, and upon finalizing that decision today, she found that it had made her sadder than she had expected. It was a little prophetic.
I uploaded my second audiobook onto my iPod tonight. It's part of my focused listening rehabilitation to improve my cochlear implanted ear this summer while I am off from school. It was a twelve disc set of Earth Awakens, the prequel to Ender's Game, which I just finished a week ago. It took most of the evening to copy the disks into a computer folder and just a minute to upload it to my iPod. The script of the book is loaded onto my Nook. I'm ready to go.
But then, sometimes our emotions surprise us. I began to take those familiar, deep breaths again -- those deep breaths that are meant to calm you when you feel that little quiver in your heart. Those breaths that you know are meant to squelch the tears that brim just under the surface. Tears that are unnoticeable to others, but threaten to expose the deep sentiments that only you know. Why would having this book ready for listening suddenly make me sad?
It's a reminder of things lost. And when I least expect it, I am suddenly sad.