Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Unexpected Emotions

"Sometimes our emotions surprise us."

These were the words I posted on a friend's Facebook status today. She had faced an important decision, and upon finalizing that decision today, she found that it had made her sadder than she had expected. It was a little prophetic.

I uploaded my second audiobook onto my iPod tonight. It's part of my focused listening rehabilitation to improve my cochlear implanted ear this summer while I am off from school. It was a twelve disc set of Earth Awakens, the prequel to Ender's Game, which I just finished a week ago. It took most of the evening to copy the disks into a computer folder and just a minute to upload it to my iPod. The script of the book is loaded onto my Nook. I'm ready to go.

But then, sometimes our emotions surprise us. I began to take those familiar, deep breaths again -- those deep breaths that are meant to calm you when you feel that little quiver in your heart. Those breaths that you know are meant to squelch the tears that brim just under the surface. Tears that are unnoticeable to others, but threaten to expose the deep sentiments that only you know. Why would having this book ready for listening suddenly make me sad?

It's a reminder of things lost. And when I least expect it, I am suddenly sad.

1 comment:

  1. I am 9.5 years post "hearing again" and 10 years post Meniere's diagnosis. I totally "get this". You really tugged at my heartstrings with this one. I often have emotions show up unannounced, knocking at my heart's door - always uninvited. I feel gratitude even joy most of each and every day. But sometimes? You are reminded of what was and how hard you have to work NOW to mirror "what was". Thank you for sharing this Bonnie Stone.