Don't Read the Comments

Social media. Gaaaahhhhh.

I say it all the time: "Don't read the comments. Don't read the comments. Don't read the comments."

Then what do I do? I read the comments.

I also tell myself to ignore posts I know are click bait and move on. "Don't comment. Don't comment. Don't comment."

Then what do I do? I make a comment.

I'm bad like that. (You are, too. Admit it.)

Social media can be fun and amazing. And awfully aggravating. The ignorance displayed and shared in well-meaning or not-so-well-mearning comments is incredible.

Take one of those well-meaning social media groups where people with cochlear implants can ask questions and hear about other's experiences. I've learned a lot about my CI from them.

And then -- there are the people chiming in with their opinions, half-knowledge, or bits of "I heard..." or "I read..." and exhorting them as fact. There's usually one or two overlooked comments advising people to call their audi, but more often than no,t there are bunches of comments offering all kinds of absolute advice. And then there's you --knowing that your doctors and/or audiologists have completely advised you MUCH differently. Don't comment. Don't comment... DON'T COMMENT.

But you do. And your notifications blow up.

I've asked my audiologists about some of the posts and comments on the page. They chuckle most of the time and advise me to call them if I need help. They have doctorates, after all, and decades of experience treating patients with cochlear implants.

The convenience of seeking help online seems to be replacing our willingness to ask the ones who are educated to know how to help us -- our medical experts.

The fact is that having a cochlear implant doesn't make one a medical expert on cochlear implants. And one cochlear implant experience may be completely different from another. There's a fine line between sharing our experience and touting our own medical expertise. We should be careful not to cross it. Telling another recipient that their symptoms and/or problems can or cannot be caused by their implant may prevent them from seeking the medical help from the experts that can resolve their problems, anxiety, or needs.

It's probably time for me to leave that group.

One Person

I've often heard that it takes one person to affect change. One. One person. One person to speak out. To begin a thought. A feeling. An action. One person to change an opinion. A mindset. One person to make a difference.

I find myself advocating for the deaf and hard of hearing often. Sometimes reminding people to consider others' differences and disabilities. Sometimes asking for patience and understanding. Sometimes correcting misunderstanding or misinformation. And just telling my story. I've had opportunities in face-to-face interactions and in this blog. Most, however, occur on social media.

Social media is a great place for sharing stories and life anecdotes. A place to laugh; sometimes to cry. Unfortunately, it is wrought with insensitive memes, quotes, and comments from people who just don't consider who may be hurt or offended. I'm sure I've been guilty of that, too.

Today, I was struck by such a meme -- one I chose to comment on both of the occasions that it crossed my news feed because it hits so close to home. The meme simply asked how many times one needed to say 'excuse me' to a person before they shouted 'get the hell out of my way.' It's not the meme that bothers me so much, but the mindset that spurred it.

I was astonished at the impertinence of those who commented under the posts, with numerical answers ranging from once is enough to suggesting that ramming the person with their shopping cart was acceptable. People who surely thought they were being amusing. I hope.

I could have scrolled past and ignored it, as I often do. Instead, I decided to comment on both posts that it was never acceptable to do that, not just because it's hateful, but because the person may be deaf or hard-of hearing and might not have heard them. I know it's happened to me many times. I'm only aware of those times because my daughters happened to be with me and nudged me out of the way. I'm certain it happens a lot when I'm alone, too.

The truth is that you don't know if the person is just being rude or if they simply cannot hear you. The presumption that the person is being rude and deserves a crude response is both uncivil and inappropriate. And insensitive. And people need to know that.

Living with hearing loss is no easy task in a world that takes hearing for granted. To presume that others can hear as well as another is an attitude that I hope to correct and change. One person at a time. One comment at a time.

Unfortunately, both of the posts appeared to be taken down after I commented, so my message was lost. Perhaps out of respect for me. Or embarrassment. Or because these friends have a new understanding. Whatever the reason, it is for the good. Two friends will think differently the next time someone doesn't move when they've been asked.

Invisible disabilities are real and prevalent. It's never okay to forget that. We can't assume the motives of others because we don't know why they act the way they do. And we shouldn't be rude because of that ignorance. We should consider the circumstances of others before we react. We should be kinder to one another.

That's what I hope we all learn.